Over the past 5 years, I've been about change. Calculated change. Change that is intentional, that takes place over a period of time. Honestly, I'll be making changes for the rest of my life; I like who I'm becoming and discovering what I'm really made of. Circumstances in the past couple of years have allowed me the perfect opportunity to face my fear of driving in heavy traffic. Today, I drove for 30 minutes during rush hour! While I was driving I had my GPS, but I also had my daughter navigating from the passenger seat. She repeated the directions while I concentrated intently on my surroundings. She helped me watch for opportunities to make necessary lane changes, and looked ahead to identify correct exits. It was intense, and I found my right hand going numb because I was hanging on to the steering wheel with a death grip, but I did it and it gave me an incredible feeling of accomplishment! It's not something I want to or even need to do every day. But I now know I'm very capable and that makes my heart so happy!! I want to stand on the highest mountain peak and scream to the entire world "I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!"
Fear is real and it can be paralyzing. When your body and brain kick into that "fight or flight" mode, it's intense, like "act now and ask questions later"! Without that ability to feel fear, we likely wouldn't last too long because we'd be carelessly doing things like walking out into traffic, jumping from high rooftops, or handling poisonous snakes. That fear protects us from harm. But sometimes it stops us from functioning, or at least living a productive fulfilling life. I'm learning what a sad thing it is to let fear rule your life. There is so much I've missed out on and I feel some regret. But I'm also grateful for experiences that have forced me to step up and step out, and given me a new appreciation for the thrill and excitement of putting fear aside and enjoying all that life has to offer...including the "heart pounding" and "sweaty palm" moments!
Here are some things I've found to be helpful in moving past fear:
- Distract yourself. Take a 15 minute time-out. Go for a short walk, take a warm shower, lie down and "melt like butter" to completely relax yourself from head to toe.
- If you panic, don't fight it. Allow yourself to feel your heart beat faster in your chest or your palms sweating. Be in the moment. Put your hands on your chest or on your stomach, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, in and out very slowly.
- Face it. Whatever it is that you're afraid of...take it head on. The more you practice the easier it will become.
- Be realistic. It's helpful to confront those monstrous worries and concerns and put them in perspective. We discourage children from being afraid of "monsters under the bed" and yet we sometimes allow them to live in our heads!
- Jump off the perfection pedestal. NO ONE is perfect so just don't even go there. Bad days happen. Stuff happens. Mistakes happen. Life happens. And sometimes it's messy and embarrassing. Just get up and try again. Most everyone's probably feeling bad for you while secretly feeling relieved it was you and not them. Only prideful idiots are judging...and you don't need them anyway!
- Take really good care of yourself. I guarantee if you become your very best friend, you'll find ways to comfort and calm yourself, just like you would for someone else you really care about. There is more power in self advocating than in self medicating.
- Feel the support of others. Just like my daughter helped me navigate in the traffic, sometimes it helps to have someone to help us navigate as we face our fears. Their support and encouragement can make all the difference in determining our success when trying something new and scary.
- Take one day at a time. It's not poof! It's a process. Be patient and kind, but push yourself a little beyond what you think you can handle.
I'm all in! Are you with me?
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