When I was a little girl, I dreamed of "being" a lot of things when I grew up. The list changed frequently as I was introduced to new and amazing thoughts about what I could actually be when I became a grown up...a nurse, an organist, an astronaut, a mom of at least a dozen children, an artist for Disney Studios. Of course, when you're a little tyke the time between birthdays passes about as quickly as a slug moving through a mess of thick dark slimy mud; thus the thought of actually reaching the long anticipated status of adult was well beyond my comprehension. But I day dreamed about it frequently anyway.
About the time I hit 9th grade and started high school, my fascination with adulthood and all of it's dreamy possibilities was replaced with a panic that knew no boundaries. I'd been through some pretty harsh life experiences by then and had become a shy, withdrawn, shadow of the optimistic child I had once been. Graduation came much more quickly than those birthdays I had once longed for, and I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and surrender to the fear and dread that filled my lonely confused heart and mind.
The next 7 years were spent trying to prove (mostly to myself) that I was lovable...or at least likable. I went out of my way to try and be "the life of the party". Not really partying...but more or less vying for the popularity and acceptance I had seen bestowed upon others in the past as I watched silently from afar. I wasn't big headed, or full of myself...I just wanted desperately to feel like more than the worthless sorry excuse for a human being that I felt like. So, I faked my way out of my loneliness. I worked hard at making friends, appearing to be happy with my life, and creating an atmosphere of fun and laughter. I watched a lot of my friends leave for college as I settled for a few semesters at the local community college. I had no idea what I wanted to study...I just went for the sake of being able to say I was doing something with my life. I had some serious crushes, but dated only once in a blue moon. I held down a few different minimum wage jobs, but they were all dead ends as far as being able to find my place in the work force. At one point I quit my job and moved out of state, hoping a change in scenery would solve my problems and offer solutions of hopeful progress and direction in life. But after 6 months, I went "home" and took up where I left off. By this time many of my friends were marrying and starting families and I was back to looking for new people to spend time with.
Eventually I married. I continued working part-time until our first child was born 15 months later. Fast forward 26 years, 3 more children, a lot of heartache and unhappiness in my own personal life, and finally a trauma that "blew the house down". I was 51 years old...and had nothing to show for it. I had failed that little girl who once dreamed so big and so boldly. Or so I thought.
Today nearly 6 years later, I've worked my butt off to become who I am today. I'm still not a nurse, an organist (although I've taught myself some piano and guitar skills!), an astronaut, a mom to a dozen children (but I have 4 kiddos that I love and adore!), or an artist for Disney Studios (however, I've taught myself some pretty amazing artistic skills!)...but I've awakened once more that ability to dream big and bold! My dreams and goals are not quite so ambitious, but I do believe I can accomplish ANYTHING I put my mind to...and I've opened my mind to move past the barriers and limitations I'd placed on myself in my "pre-trauma" life. Yes, sadly it was the trauma that changed everything for me. I'd been shattered, and "stripped" of everything...including my self-inflicted limitations.
So why did I...why do any of us...put limitations on ourselves?
- We've landed in a "failure" mindset: When we fall down a few times it's much harder to get back up again. It's too easy to succumb to mental or maybe even physical exhaustion. I've found for myself this is especially true when I'm not taking care of my most basic needs. I let myself slide because I'm in the habit and mindset of putting everyone else first. And pretty soon I'm not even last on the list. I'm not on the list at all. I can't do it. It's not working. I quit. I'm too tired to stand up again.
- Fear gets the best of us: That could be fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of new and different or unfamiliar, fear of failing, or even fear of success (Yep. It's real. I've been there). Fear leads to procrastination or avoidance, which ultimately leads to nothing nowhere.
- We have limiting beliefs about ourselves: I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, good enough, worthy enough...you can insert ANY word in there to make it work for you (translation: to make it not work for you). I am not ___________ enough. This is completely destructive to reaching goals or making dreams a reality...but only YOU can change it.
- We lack hope and/or belief in ourselves and our capabilities: Sometimes we AREN'T enough for what we would like to accomplish, but that shouldn't stop us from educating ourselves, acquiring sufficient information or experience, or trying to learn a new skill. I'm discovering for myself...you are never too old to make life happen. If you can dream it, you can learn it and do it!
- We forget our "why": You know, that reason deep down inside of you that pushes and encourages and drives you. That's your why. It's why you wake up, why you go to your job, why you take care of your family, why you keep going when you feel the urge to quit. If you've lost you why, do some digging. It's there. It just needs to be rediscovered and reignited. It doesn't matter how long it's been. If you look hard enough you'll discover it's there; it never went away.
Life is too short to live in regret. Let the past be the past. Wake up to the reality of your present, and choose to have a huge say in your future! It's yours. It doesn't belong to anyone else. You alone are responsible for your happiness, the realization of your dreams, and what you make of your life. Live fully. Dream big. And die happy knowing you lived happy and loved fiercely. Don't waste your time on toxic people and avoid drama like the plague. These are my new rules for life!
I'm all in! Are you with me?
No comments:
Post a Comment