Making The Connection

Depression is a monster. Most people don't know this about me, but I've suffered with mild to moderate bouts of depression throughout my life. The rearing of it's ugly head is usually situational for me...childhood abuse, bullying in middle school and high school, three harsh and lonely decades of being the single parent to my four children (married to a "checked out" man), dealing with toxic relationships, health issues, deaths of loved ones, and traumatic suicide/suicide attempts of people I love and care deeply about...and it sucks the living daylights out of me.

A few times I've been on medication. But the stigma of taking meds (as in "Really? You need to get over yourself. It's people like you that drive up the insurance rates!" Yes. Someone actually said that to me) convinced me it was a cop out so I quit. No meds. No coping skills. No support. Nowhere to turn. And I was a mess. I started envisioning myself driving into oncoming traffic. Not just once in awhile, but almost every single time I got in the car to go anywhere. And once when I visited Crater Lake in Oregon, I stood on the rim and considered "falling in". But I couldn't do that to my three children who were standing right there beside me. The next day I sought professional help.

More commonly, I have periods of time when it just hangs around, hovering like a pesky wasp waiting for exactly the right moment to go in for the sting. I can feel it staring me down. It's just under the surface mocking my will to keep functioning, in spite of the battle to resist crawling back in my bed, and burying myself in the comfort of my deceivingly safe little world of "I don't give a crap".

Learning to live with depression is tricky. *I do not advocate "no medication." Depending on the form and severity of their depression, some people require medication. If that's you take it! And stay on it! Even when you're feeling really good. Even when you think it's not working. And work closely with your medical professional to maintain the optimal dosage. 
My depression has been manageable with therapy and laser focused self-care:

• Exercise is essential. I know. It sucks to get out and do anything when depression is in your face. But I'm telling you, from personal experience, moving your body releases "feel good endorphins" and enhances your sense of well-being. It also helps to distract your attention from your worries and feelings of emotional overwhelm. You don't have to go to the gym and work up a sweat for an hour; just a slow five minute walk will make a difference.
• Therapy has been extremely helpful for me. It takes time to find a good therapist so don't settle for just anyone. These are the things I look for in a good therapist:
• Do they take your insurance?
• Are they taking new clients?
• Do they specialize in/have experience working with clients with depression?
• Do they offer tools for helping you cope with your triggers?
• Are they willing to educate you about what you can do to help yourself?
• Do they offer links to outside support (groups, classes, articles, websites etc)?
• Do they have the mindset of helping you to "graduate" OR keeping you coming back to replenish their bank account?
• Are they personable?
• Do they listen/validate you?
• Remember they work for YOU. You are HIRING them to help you. If they don't meet your needs/expectations "FIRE" them and move on to someone else!
• Sleep is an ongoing issue. When I'm in the midst of a bout of depression (but functional) I avoid bedtime like the plague...for the simple reason (though it doesn't really make sense when I try to explain it) that I don't want to have to get up the next day. Of course staying up and avoiding sleep altogether is pointless and just makes life more unbearable. I have to work hard to get my brain off of that track and just do the best I can to force myself to go to bed anyway. I've found doing whatever I can to improve my sleep habits (especially when I'm feeling good) does make a difference. 
• I like to take a warm shower before going to bed. Just standing under that warm water and letting it cascade down my entire body really helps me feel more relaxed.
• I've discovered if I eat anything past 7pm it very much affects my sleep. I'm restless, have weird dreams, and feel much less inclined to get up the next day. It's a vicious cycle. So I just don't go there.
• I love to pray before I go to sleep. I just kneel by my bed and let all of my thoughts and feelings out...no holding back. Many times that starts a cascade of tears, but I don't mind as that release also helps me feel more relaxed.
• Sometimes I write in my journal before I get in bed. I used to write down all of my thoughts, but I've discovered just writing down things I'm thankful for works much better for a good mindset before sleep. Sometimes it's a whole page, but more often than not it's just one or two simple expressions of gratitude.
• I also love to watch or listen to something uplifting before bedtime rolls around. A show on TV, a movie, a podcast, a YouTube video, a TED talk...there's so much good we can access to fill our minds with peace and comfort. A little uplifting goes a long way for a weary heart and soul.
• Pay attention to what you eat. If you're like me, when depression hits you just want to stuff your face...or eat nothing at all. There doesn't seem to be a middle of the road. Nutrition is an important factor in how you feel physically, and emotionally as well. Sounds weird right? But let me explain:

• Your brain and your digestive system are connected...literally. The vagus nerve runs from the base of your brain down your spine and into your abdomen. It's connected to several parts of your gut, including your stomach and intestines, and relays information from your gut to your brain. Since 90% of serotonin (a chemical naturally produced by your body that promotes well-being and happiness...among other important functions) is located in the gut, gut health and diet can positively or negatively affect your mood. This is not to say your depression will be cured through your diet, but you certainly can alleviate your symptoms to some degree with some healthier eating habits.

I hope you've found this helpful. I'll be posting here with more helps with depression at least weekly. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions or would like me to focus specifically on something you're struggling with. DISCLAIMER: I'm not a medical professional. I don't diagnose or suggest/facilitate treatments of any kind. I'm here to offer support and share my experience in the hope that it will be a benefit to someone who, for one reason or another, has suffered in silence. We're in this together! No more going alone.

I'm all in! Are you with me?