What Am I Supposed To Do?

If you know anyone who suffers with depression and/or anxiety, you know it's pretty easy to feel helpless when it comes to knowing what to do or say to break through their very real dark heavy cloud of despair and worthlessness. It can be the source of a lot of stress and worry when someone you care about is suffering so deeply on the inside. If you could destroy it, or at the very least remove it from them and take it on yourself  it would be so much easier than watching them disappear into nothingness. Even though you can't fix it or take it away, there are a few things you can do to help:

• Start by asking if they're okay. Sometimes it's very obvious to you from their flat affect (showing no emotion) or their body language, but asking them right out breaks the silence that might otherwise eventually suffocate them. It's easy to be fearful of saying the wrong thing, but don't be. Once you ask that important question, shut your mouth. Listen with your ears, your mind and your heart. Make eye contact and be engaged. 
• HEAR what they have to say. Save your advice for later. Don't be thinking about what to say next. Don't try to solve their problems. Don't try to talk them into feeling better. You don't' have to agree with them about the things they express, but you do need to try to understand their point of view. 

• Ask open ended questions. How are you feeling? What can I do for you? What would be helpful in the time that we spend together?

• Offer support and encouragement. But don't expect for that to be the magic "fix all" solution. They aren't going to suddenly "snap out of" their bout of depression.

• Don't be uncomfortable or awkward with their silence. Even if they choose to say nothing you're sending the message that you care just by sitting still and being present.

• Be kind and accepting. Don't make judgmental statements or make them feel guilty for how they're feeling. People can't "make" themselves feel better. 

• Make yourself available to spend time with them. They might just sit in a corner with their headphones in, sleep, be unwilling/unable to engage in conversation, veg in front of the TV, or stare blankly at the wall. But having someone with them can bring a sense of comfort...whether they express/admit it or not.

• Encourage them to seek professional help. The first time someone suggested I needed therapy I was offended. I thought therapy was for crazy people. And I wasn't crazy. But the decision I made to reach out to a therapist for help was one of  the best decisions I ever made. And I continue to seek help anytime I find it necessary. Because I'm worth it. Because I deserve it. Because the people who love and care about me deserve it.

• Take any thoughts or talk about suicide seriously. Don't brush them off, encourage them to keep it a secret, or ask them to ignore those thoughts/feelings. It's okay to talk about it! You need to be okay with letting them talk about it! DON'T LEAVE THEM ALONE IF THEY FEEL UNSAFE. If you feel they are in immediate danger, don't hesitate to call 911.

Depression is real. It's an illness. No one deserves it. And no one should deal with it alone. If you have depression, if you love someone with depression, there's help. Don't hide it. Secrecy and silence are poisonous and destructive. Talk about it. Listen when others talk about it. Educate yourself about it. Don't ignore or pretend it doesn't exist. Let's work together to bring it out into the light. Your getting involved can't make it go away...but if it can prevent even one person getting sucked into the hopelessness and despair that leads to suicide don't you think it's worth it?

I'm all in! Are you with me?