Don't Give Away Your Power!

We all walk around like a closed book, but everyone of us has a story...stories filled with terror, tragedy, betrayal or unfairness. And we all have scars. Some of our scars are physical and cannot be hidden. But some are emotional and cannot be seen. One may look to have survived life unscathed, appear to have it all together, seem to have everything going their way...but it would be foolish to believe such a thing...and the enticing trap of "my life has been ruined" lies deceitfully waiting as a tiger about to pounce on their prey, to destroy the one who chooses to hand over their power to overcome, to heal, to thrive and survive. Don't get me wrong. I'm not downplaying the horrendous effects of the harsh realities of life. But I have witnessed the power of grit and courage, in my personal life, and in the lives of others who have determined to change the outcome of their life story. It's never an easy thing, but choosing to be a survivor, to overcome, to learn lessons, to recognize blessings, to forgive, to become an advocate, to rise to the challenge, instills courage, enables growth, and leads to otherwise unforeseen opportunities to inspire and encourage, and make a difference in the lives of others. 

So how does one choose to be a survivor, to find grit and courage to rise above the cruel injustices of life? Here are some ideas that might be helpful:

• Recognize the perceived advantages of victim mentality: First: It feels good to get sympathy and attention from other people. However, eventually people grow tired of it and move on. Second: It protects you from risking rejection or failure, but traps you in a cycle of excuses, keeping you from taking any necessary action. Third: It allows you to avoid making any difficult decisions or choices, but ultimately keeps you from taking control of your own life. There is power to saying NO! to the victim mentality.
• Be OK with finding a new way to define yourself. Choosing not to focus on what's happened to you, the need for revenge or retribution, or on the unfairness of the hand life has dealt you empowers you to find courage, take risks, create your own happiness, find ways to serve and bless the lives of others.
• Take personal responsibility for your own life. Stop looking for someone or something to blame when things don't go the way you want them to, when you make a mistake, when life gets hard, or when you feel overwhelmed. Things happen. People judge. The words and actions of others are sometimes hurtful. The weather is unpredictable. Freak accidents come out of nowhere. Crime, death, illness, financial ruin, debilitating accidents, broken trust, ruined relationships, embarrassing incidents...they all happen. You are not alone. The world is not out to destroy you. 
• Express gratitude. Look at all of the people who DO love you, all of the things that ARE going right in your life. And remember there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse off than you do. Count your blessings. Name them ONE by ONE. There is power in a grateful heart.
• Choose forgiveness. It's not so much for the person who has harmed or deceived you, as for the peace you will feel in your heart if you choose to let go and move on. Forgiveness doesn't mean pretend like nothing happened and go be best friends with the one you're forgiving. You need boundaries. And you may need to remove yourself from their toxicity. "Turn the other cheek" sometimes means, turn and walk away. Don't let anger, malice, revenge, or contempt rule your life or steal your heart. Let go. And move on. It's no longer yours.
• Find someone to serve. The best and most effective healing comes when we reach outside of ourselves. Volunteer in your community, mow a neighbor's lawn, teach a child a new skill, participate in a cause...be the one who makes the difference.
• Cut yourself some slack. Some days will be easier than others. Cry the tears, talk about the hard stuff, deal with the emotions, and don't ignore the pain. Pain is a signal to your body and mind that something needs attention to promote healing. Pay attention. But don't draw unnecessary attention.

Healing is hard. Finding courage can much of the time prove to be a daunting task, but it far outweighs the benefits of drowning in self pity. Surround yourself with people who are strong, and encouraging, and determined to make the best they can with the life they've been given, and you will be filled with well deserved peace and joy, and a life very much worth living!

I'm all in! Are you with me?

If It's To Be, It's Up To Me...Ain't Nobody Else Going To Make It Happen

I LOVE the sound of silence. You know, when you can hear absolutely nothing but your breathing and the beating of your heart. Now, I'm not suggesting that I'd like to live the life of a recluse; I don't think I would last long without contact with humanity. I'm very much a people person...I thrive on hugs, and laughter and meaningful conversation. But I am suggesting that a purposeful few minutes or even an hour or two alone can be extremely beneficial. 

I'm not talking about "down time". I'm talking about purposefully scheduled time by myself, away from the distractions of life with the intent of tracking the progress of my goals, organizing my strategies for completing tasks/meeting deadlines, calendaring my appointments and responsibilities, and recharging for the coming week. It helps me to check my perspective, set a realistic game plan, heighten my awareness of other people around me, and makes me a better listener. It's a great opportunity for reflection and evaluation:

• Am I where I expected to be five, or even 10 years ago? If not, why not? Do I need to change my course, be a little more realistic in my expectations, or get going in a completely different direction?
• What about my relationships? Are they fulfilling? Are they balanced? If not, why not? What needs to change? Am I communicating openly and clearly?  Am I "taking" more than I'm "giving"? Am I being taken advantage of? Am I using my voice appropriately?
• What's up with my employment? Am I working in my desired field? If not, what's stopping me? Am I on track for retirement? Is there something that needs to change?
• How high is my stress level? If it's high...why? Can I control any of the things I'm stressing over? What needs to change? Are the things I'm stressing over mine or someone else's? Do I need to reevaluate my boundaries? How can I decompress?
• How is my sleep? Am I making sleep a priority? Do I feel exhausted even when I sleep a sufficient number of hours at night? Is there anything I could do differently?

The list is endless...physical health, finances, vacations, avoiding procrastination, emotional health, education pursuits, meeting the needs of aging parents, wholesome family activities...And it's an ongoing process. I choose some specifics to focus on because it can become really overwhelming very quickly. I have a lifetime for growth and improvement, for organizing and accomplishing. The important thing is to be actively pursuing it.

So how do I make this happen? First and most important it has to be scheduled. And once it's scheduled I have to be accountable to myself and make it happen. Sometimes I have to get up a little bit earlier than usual so I have quiet undisturbed time to myself. It's amazing how clearly I can think in the early morning hours when the rest of the world appears to be suspended in sleep. Another option is during a lunch break. This is a little more limited time slot, but if a person is well organized and keeps it simple, it works fairly well. If there are constant unavoidable interruptions this may not be a viable option.

Just as importantly, close the door. Sit in the car. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Or announce to your family that you are off limits for "x" amount of time. Clear your mind. Breathe. Practice hearing, feeling, and being comfortable with the silence. Of course, your littles need supervision, your phone needs to be off, and your head needs to be "on the same page" with your calendar. I know from experience you can make this work if you really want it bad enough. Be still. Plan and follow through. That's the secret. It takes work to have a purposeful life, but it's worth it!

I'm all in! Are you with me?