What Now?

So, figuratively speaking, this is what my life looked like:

And it WAS overwhelming. But, I took a REALLY deep breath. That was my starting point. Breathing. Focusing. Getting my bearings. Please note: you don't have to experience a trauma to decide to make change. Sadly, that's just what it took for me. I was already a mess, just not willing to step up and do anything about it. FEAR was ruling my life:

• Fear of the unknown
• Fear of what others would think
• Fear of "rocking the boat"
• Fear of failure
• Fear of responsibility
• Fear of success
• Fear of struggle
• Fear of accountability
• Fear of change

I was disappointed with myself, how I'd ended up where I was because of my unwillingness to take control, make decisions, own up to my mistakes, be accountable to myself, use my voice, advocate for my health, give myself the same time and respect and kindness I was handing over to everyone else. I "threw myself under the bus", wallowed in self-pity, and quietly seethed at the lack of sympathy I received while carrying the ginormous "boulder of martyrdom" on my back. And it took a devastating life experience to bring me to my knees.

And that's when I realized I MUST put myself first. It is IMPERATIVE that I take care of myself on EVERY level. I MUST take control of every aspect of my health and well-being. I can't allow another minute of my life to pass without determining my desired outcome. And that would require a deep, meticulously detailed evaluation of myself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I had to stop everything, and figure out exactly where I was, before I could determine where I wanted to end up.

Some of you reading this may not be this far gone. You may feel you just need a little tweaking in one area or another. But you can't make that assumption until you clearly determine exactly where you are.

This process took months for me. I looked deep; left no stone unturned. I stared every uncomfortable, undesirable aspect of myself in the face. I owned my mess and claimed my responsibility in it. Only then could I look forward and map out my plan. The ugly truth is harsh, but facing it head on bestows on oneself the freedom to grow and improve, to change!

And that is exactly where I started. I decided to call on my courage, show myself a little compassion, and connect with who I really wanted to be. I got real and embraced my need for change.

I'm all in! Are you with me?