You May Have A Heart of Gold...But So Does A Hard Boiled Egg

I used to be a "fixer"; I felt compelled to:

• Stop pain
• Prevent disappointments
• Solve problems
• Put an end to unhappiness
• Provide rest for the weary
• Worry about individuals
• Stress about predicaments

 I was so busy fixing and stressing and coordinating and planning the lives of friends and family members that I denied my own self-care  with reckless abandon. And it was exhausting! Physically and emotionally consuming.

While "fixing" may appear to give your life purpose and fulfillment, the truth is, there is danger in presuming yourself to be the panacea of all of the difficulties and misfortunes of life:

• Your drive to "fix" will override the reality that everything broken can't be fixed
• You end up making your life's decisions based on how they will affect other people
• Love begins to look like a distorted sense of relentless sacrifice
• Compassion without boundaries becomes enabling
• Limitless acts of kindness lead to unrealistic expectations
• You can't pressure, coerce, convince or inspire someone who doesn't want to change, but you'd never give up trying
• You end up sacrificing your own needs, dreams, goals and expectations for the comfort, happiness, or success of others
• You develop a false sense that people can't survive, endure, problem solve or heal without you
• You end up feeling trapped, exhausted and resentful because your time and energy will never be enough to fix everyone/everything

And so? If you really want to make a difference, here are some suggestions for what you can do:

• Focus on developing a healthy realistic attitude. Constantly seeking to improve, help, change others is not love or appreciation for who they are. 
• People are not projects. Be responsible for your own happiness, well-being, success, health and life choices, and not that of other people. You don't need other people to be happy, to be happy yourself.
• Take care of your own feelings. Practice shielding yourself emotionally. Detach yourself from feelings of guilt and shame that suck you in to being a fixer. Put the responsibility where it belongs. If it's not yours...don't make it yours.
• Remind yourself daily that one can't always have what they want. No one's life is free of difficulty or harsh reality. Find ways you can be helpful and supportive with clearly defined boundaries.
• Learn to let go! The struggle in life is real. We ALL experience pain, disappointment, failure, loss, unhappiness. It sucks, but it's a necessary part of life.

If you're caught in the cycle, it's going to take some focused effort to break out your way out of it. Take one day at a time. Set goals and celebrate your successes. And then keep at it. Remember love and support...that's what we all really need.

I'm all in! Are you with me?